When reality and dreams collide

Imagination allows me to see the things that could never be
reality reminds me invariably that it holds the key
the only escape is to close my eyes 
to transpose the lies
into something more real
so real
that I can even feel
the magic when unified 
maybe to some, it's undignified
but at least I'm undone
when with you, everything is won
no cares in the world, no matter to tend
I'm just a girl,  lost in the wind
blown away by everything You are
to close my eyes and what was  far
is now near, embracing, heart is racing
this is it finally, no more spacing
because I am
I am
complete, I am disengaged
by this plague
of giving away the most precious of parts
to you I have given my heart
rather it be in your hands
than in reality's droning plans
if only
why only
is reality the way
can't this dream, please stay
until it becomes possible
I escape to the place where impossible
BECOMES reality. 
when dreams meet reality
danger strikes but set's my spirit free
now's the time to go away
and in your beautiful emanation I will stay

Faith solves the Roller Coaster Ride!

I guess it's true, what the first chapter of James talks about! Sometimes you wan't to wonder why on earth James would say, Consider it Joy when you face various trials. Does that sound sane to most? Probably not, consider it joy when things get tough. Is that a message people want to hear during the most trying times of their lives or during hard/uncertain/uncomfortable situations? More than likely not, but this is what James goes on to say-

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  Those who doubt should not think they will receive anything from the Lord; 8 they are double-minded and unstable in all they do." James 1:1-7

This speaks volumes, more so for the believer than non believer, but speaks to all people alike. In summary trials birth something. Trials birth faith, because when circumstances are huge and nothing is possible by men, but only possible by God, the mustard seed of faith is grown. To each individual God gives us a measure of faith to believe, but if it's not stretched we will always have the same measure. It's like given the alphabet, but if never asked to learn to read, we will never put it to use. Something along those lines. But when trials come look to the positive side of things because, it requires a. either our faith to grow b. become angry or disappointed. The bible discusses many people who had faith, but if you notice a lot of people had to be committed to their beliefs, even when they didn't see it, it was there. That's against our nature, but it can become our nature through trust and seeing outside our circumstances. There comes a point when we have to realize that God is simply just bigger than what we are facing. Then after believing faith will be grown, and that   it will tag on to you an amount of maturity. Faith equals faithfulness on our part. If we have faith to believe we will continue to believe which is also faithfulness or commitment. We won't be up and down. Personally I like how James goes on to say when you doubt you are double minded, you are like a wave and the sea blown and tossed by the wind.(paraphrased). What does this say to me? It speaks a lot to me. There are days when my faith rules out my vision, but there are days when my flesh does. What does this produce? A rocky roller coaster, just like James said, blown and tossed by the wind. One day I am on a high, believing God's salvation, believing God for victory, believing God for healing, believing God's promises, the next day on a low, believing lies of the enemy, believing my circumstance, believing in my good (or not so good) works. This is an example of a spiritual roller coaster, spiritual up's and down's. Too many times, myself, and I'm sure others become the double minded man, blown and tossed by the wind. What does that mean exactly? To me it says that when we don't have full faith in God, which means we doubt, that we are controlled by our circumstances, they govern and dictate our mindsets, day, personality, everything. Doubting, equals a wild up and down ride. Christian bi-polar disorder, visiting the north and south poles. One day positive, next day negative. The doubting man, unstable in ALL his ways. That's why trust and faith in God is so important, doesn't mean every day is going to be the greatest day, but it does mean that we can remain constant, because His promises are constant. When things look tough, we can know that specific gloom and doom isn't everything, it's not our future, not our purpose, not who we are, not the way things have to go. We can believe beyond what everything is screaming out to be. Jesus said, I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. His promises are real and when faced with hard times, it is crucial to believe on those things that are above, those things that are true, those things that are of eternal worth, because then we will show ardent faith to the world, they won't see unstable Christians, believing doubting, and repeat. we are not to be like instructions on the back of the shampoo bottle that says, lather, rinse and repeat, but we are to believe, believe, believe. Lot's of difference. I need help to not be a bi-polar Christian, people who I am a witness to obviously get really confused when I am happy go lucky faith gung-ho and then the next day acting like an eeyore (depressed, self piteous animal on winnie the pooh) or something! The last few weeks have been hard, financially, physically, and spiritually. So pretty much everything around me has been a little hay wire, today I just choose to breathe and know that God has big plans for the Women of Worship conference tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that, and that circumstance seriously doesn't define who Carrie Tucker is (or whatever person is reading this), but it only grows my faith if I allow it. These hard and trying times are helping me to become a more faithful believer in Jesus Christ, and to the Faithful, He (God) is faithful! (scripture somewhere in the O.T, psalms maybe)! So like the Rita Springer song says, I have to believe for healing and that God will supply all of my needs! Someone once told me that if I take care of God's business, then He will take care of mine. Yesterday I was reading in a Joyce Meyer's book about how God takes care of birds. Birds has a need in order to live, but they don't go around worrying all the time, they just praise God and he takes care of them. Wow, if He does that, then He must want to take care of those people who He was in pain for, died for, persecuted for, lived for, and intercedes for. How much more does He love His kids and want to take care of them. So today, I just stand, saying God is going to heal me or make a provision for something to happen and that all things work together for the good of those who Love God and Who are called according to His purpose, notice that is ALL things, not some, but everything will work out. Faith is being stretched, maturity is the reward, and double-mindedness is being weeded out, that's joy right there. I can say now that I agree with what James was saying. I count it all joy!

Jesus, I ask more than anything you help me not to be double minded. Help me not to be spiritually bi-polar, showing the world instability as a Christian. Help me to let my faith grow when you want it to. Help me to play on the offensive side rather than the defensive side. I believe you for healing, because you gave me this head and you can take care of it! Thanks for helping me realize things and for letting me be on the winning side of the game!

12 Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Wheel chair

A lot of us have failures and flaws that take place in our lives, often times more than we would like. Because we are carnal, we have weaknesses about us, some that hinder us and some that push us forward. Although it's fact we all mess up, there is a difference between making a mistake and living through our weaknesses and failures. There are some unnecessary things in our lives that we tend to rely on rather than the one we are supposed to rely on. I guess that's one of my biggest weaknesses, that I rely on so many other things rather than the One who can fully handle 'all my stuff.' Earlier today I saw a man in a wheel chair and I thought to myself of all the trials and limits he must face living in that wheel chair. First before it's taken offensively, I think people who are physically in a wheel chair but choose to do all the things they can do in spite of the crippling, are some awesome people. Anyways, I thought to myself about how the man has to rely on the wheel chair in place of legs to transport him. From the time he wakes up he needs the wheel chair and all throughout the day he needs it. Normal activity like taking a shower, using the restroom, going to class, having a job, going to the store, driving, and many more things are altered due to the inability of his legs. Because of that, he is fully reliant upon that wheel chair. In most cases people who need a wheel chair cannot help their situation. I have heard of stories of people who choose the wheel chair over "intense" physical therapy to get them going. In our lives from a spiritual and emotion aspect, we have wheel chairs. Things that we rely on rather than the "legs" being God, which we were created to depend on. A spiritual wheel chair limits us from what God wants us to do and limits what God wants to do in us. Whether it was just some cruddy times in life, hurt from others, weaknesses/failures that caused so much guilt, mindsets, sin, or complacency, we allow those things to take the place of God and become what we rely on. Hindrance, is a huge deal. Limits are a huge deal. I don't want to constantly let things hinder me from God, especially when they are things that I, Carrie Tucker, am in control in. It's like trying to live for God and Him calling me to walk, but I'm sitting in my wheel chair saying, "okay God, I'm coming.. I can't walk, don't know why I cannot, but I'm coming!" Still I don't think, actually I know that God doesn't want me to be limitless, if that were the case then the work on the cross would have some "but's or if only's" at the end of the clause. Instead, my bible and everyone I have read simply says, It is finished, not it is finished... but or It is finished, if only. So why stay in the wheel chair. Personally I feel like I have several things that hinder me from living fully. I can't exactly put my finger on it, I just know that I don't want to continue on living a hindered lifestyle. I don't want to get to heaven and Jesus ask me why I didn't live for what He paid for. Nor, do I want to use my "legs" for the first time when I enter the gates. Things occur from being in a wheel chair to long, from lack or use of muscles. A process called atrophy takes place, deterioration, degeneration, weakening. We think we are weak but after relying on and having a wheel chair mindset and lifestyle, we deteriorate more. Deterioration due to not working it out (in this case surrendering who we are and who we are not, praying, reading, seeking). When we are apathetic we can't expect to be free. When we are complacent we can't expect to be free. Sometimes there are times where your brother will take you and drop you down into the house so Jesus can heal you, but most of the time with your own faith you have to press through the crowd, crippled and all to get what you need.(both examples from parables in the gospels). We have people to help us, but sometimes we have to trust God, shake the wheel chair, and go after Him. I make things hard like most people do, somewhat like the Isreallites who made an 11 day journey in 40 years. Even though 2+2=4, I have to know the logic, the why's the what if's the but's and thou's, just to be sure, that's one of my wheel chairs. We all have our own personal ones, specialized just for us. I wan't to work this out though, work out these atrophied places, no matter how weak I may feel or it may seem. No matter how uncomfortable it may be or whether I feel like it or not, I wanna trash my wheel chairs, my unnecessary hindrances and live not through that wheel chair which easily becomes IDENTITY, but let Christ identify me.

A rubiks cube would be easier than this...

Frustration seems to be one step away from discouragement in a majority of situations. A lot of people walk through different seasons, struggles, or situations, but I so happen to constantly walk in frustration for whatever reason I don't know. Frustration involving trying to figure things out only leads to confusion and searching out the human logic. Frustration is literally like being in a "wheelchair" and never fully being able to enjoy freedom. Not too mention the confusion part, because that intensifies frustration. So maybe my answer is why? or what next? or what can I do to not have this unwelcome tag-a-long. What can I do to change this thing that has always been there? Hmm, this is why a majority of times taking that Rubik' cube would be easier, trivial, but easier. All I would have to do is line up the colors. Wow, but how to do that to myself? I am really hoping that something different, so different than anything I have ever experienced before is right around the corner!

sixty seconds

Well it's 2010, a new year, new beginning, a start to something else. Somehow between the minute turnover from 11:59pm 12/31/09, until 12:00 am 1/1/10, the sixty seconds brings a hopefulness that the next year can be different and even better than the last twelve months of the previous year. It's really a neat thing that people all over the world make new goals and reach for new heights in their lives. The aspirations depend on the individual and to each their own circumstances. In that sixty seconds we realize 2010, or the marking of a new year is a place for fresh starts. I love fresh starts, face it we all do. I love knowing that yesterdays mistakes, flaws, failures, and mishaps don't have to carry over into a new day or even a new year. I guess one thing though for sure I have realized is nothing changes in that sixty seconds unless I change. Goals are not met unless we make a change, and not change big all at one time but just ..... step. A lot of times I picture change as this amazing transformation, like I am literally a mighty "morphing" power ranger. Change as this amazing 360 degree turn in a matter of seconds. Sure change can occur for better or worse in a matter of seconds, we can open up an envelope and realize we randomly won a million dollars in a matter of seconds, or in a matter of seconds we can rear end the guy ahead of us and both situations present change in our lives. However, change in lifestyle is kind of like a step. Say we are climbing some stairs to get from where we are to where we are going. It's a lot of stairs, several flights of stairs. You go from the bottom level to the first stair, and you think to yourself... wow, I haven't changed a bit, but in all reality you are higher than you were. Then to the third, and fourth and so on. Change is an occurring thing, but during the climb we may not recognize it. The important thing to recognize, is just because you automatically have not transformed into your "goal" person or achieved your greatest achievements in a day, doesn't mean you are not reaching. I know a lot of times, because I don't hit my goal with one try I get discouraged, but what I don't realize is in the climb I am changing. With one step, even if I am only 1 inch higher than I was before, I am one inch closer than what I was to reaching my destination. In the matter of sixty seconds we have before the new year is brought in, sometimes we expect to wake up the next day and automatically be different, be a better person, be thinner, get paid more, be happier, be healthier, be cleaner, be more studious. We expect to be, but not do in order to be. I know that's weird wording. But I sometimes just expect without every doing anything. I guess I just want to start taking the little steps in my life that equal the big picture instead of just wondering why I never get the big picture with out making a little mark on the paper. Do I have goals, of course! Do I hope for the future, sure I do. Instead of just hoping and just dreaming, I want to walk those goals out daily. Daily reaching, daily striving. I do hope greater things occur in 2010. I want to grab hold of victories in my own life that I have never walked in and put my hands on the things that are mine and that I want in life. I have to Move TOward those things in order to grab hold of it. Instead of always wanting, I want to be. Instead of wanting to be intimate with God and hoping for it, I want to BE intimate with Him. Instead of hoping to be used by Him, I want to be used by Him. so in order to have such things, I should walk in it! I have been thinking about the story of Cain and Able and some things I have heard about them before. God was pleased when Able brought his offering of the firstborn. He just brought his very best. I understand that everyday my best will not be given to the Lord because I fail, but I am thankful that I walk in grace. Everyday I want to strive to please God, but the difference between then and now, is I please God through the blood of Jesus that covers me. I recently heard something that I think gave me knew knowledge and knew freedoms in my life and it was that, it's easy to become condition centered instead of position centered. Condition centered meaning your daily spiritual walk with God over your position that He made for you. Being concerned about the condition of your walk is very important, should not be neglected, and should be the number one priority in our day to day events. However sometimes focusing on where we are not presents and open door that the enemy come in and discourage us, but waking up every day knowing we are positioned as sons or daughters of God, pleasing Him through the blood of Jesus, abiding in Him as child and not slave, living freely and in love, and just "being" in His presence is very important to remember also. Condition changes, but when we are saved our position never will. I daily want to remember my position and not be discouraged by where my condition is or is not. I do want things to change in me, one just knowing my position and knowing that it is based on nothing I do. Secondly I want my condition to improve. I want old baggage to be gone and daily just spend time with God and be a witness to people around me. These are two goals that are small. They are DAILY steps but overall it will change everything about me, my views, my ways, and the people around me. There will be good days and there will be bad days. Whatever it is I want to go about it and make that day count. I want to make the moments count, make my day count, smile at people who need to be smiled at. Hold doors for ppl and talk to ppl. I want to drink coffee and read my bible and let my entire world world to be rocked and changed. Daily changed, daily transforming, daily yearning. Different than ever before because I want change and I'm not going to wait for one big moment, but enjoy the little moments that make up big experiences. What a journey, some days warm and sunny, some cold and rainy, but all in all it's a journey and a journey greater than me. I walk a journey to know the One who created the most miraculous and detailed of creations. It took men years and several tries to create a light bulb, but ALL of this was created in only a week. We can't even handle our small day to day tasks and get everything done in the week that we need done, but God created the entire earth. Galaxies, planets, mountains, trees, deserts, valleys, rivers, oceans, butterflies, ants, gnats, centipedes, and the human who in itself should have taken 2,000,000,000 years to create because of it's mechanics and detail. The God who created all of that has chosen me to take such a journey to know Him, to be His daughter, His disciple. Then to share such a wonder with many people. 2010 is going to be a good year, now to just walk towards all the goals. Remember that 60 doesn't change anything but time, unless we decide to change. Journey, moving forward one step at a time. In the words of a pop star, It's the climb!

Unseen

Matthew 9:27-29

²⁷As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, "Have mercy on us, Son of David!"

²⁸When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?"
"Yes, Lord," they replied.

²⁹Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"

Not having sight is probably one of the most crippling of circumstances known to man. Sure, it's endurable and you can live through it, but still having sight limits a human. Every day we see things with shapes, colors, sizes, texture. We know what rain looks like, what trees look like, what a car looks like, we know what a lap top looks like. We can explain things because we see them, with our sight we are captivated by the beauty around us and we are saddened by some things we see. Because we see we experience things that some people who are blind could never see or ever discover.

When someone is blind they use other senses to make up for the loss of their sight. They rely on others to explain color, shape, size, and everything. For example if I were blind, I would rely on someone to describe something to me. If I wanted to know what a tree was like, I would blindly "visualize" it based on feeling and someone else's opinion. The only way I know what a tree would look like would be simply from the way I could perceive it. Forever that definition or explanation would determine my perception of a tree. That goes the same for every other object. The way I would perceive things would be limited. Forever that will be embedded in my mind and in my imagination. And where I don't know something, I form my own opinion and let logic take the place and explain something that I have never seen.

In our lives a lot of times we walk around with this same disability, spiritually. When we experience relationships with parents or others, even if it's not the best we take those experiences and define what a relationship is, what acceptance is, what love is, what care is, what trust is, what affection is..... and a lot of times because of the relationship we experienced in our flesh, we take that and let that define everything. Then when we enter into a relationship with God we take every self-learned definition and view God in the same way. Just like the blind, their definition of a tree may not be what a tree really looks like because they haven't actually been able to visually SEE it.

I know for me personally, things I have been through have defined the way that I have a relationship with God. Its hard for me to not see through failure, to not see through past hurts, or criticism. Because of this, it's like my sight is limited and I have a definition that is branded on my heart of the way I am and the way people are and the way He is. Thoughts and patterns of my life that limit me and are hard to "move or see" beyond. When for 21 years your life consists of the same patterns, issues, and thoughts, it's almost like it hinders your ability to see beyond and see the greater things. See who God is and who you really are... and every time you get close, your circumstantial definition attempts to trap you. When we don't understand things we take man-made logic and squeeze it into the questions we have, in order to have answers. Unfortunately we are full of carnal thinking, and the mind hinders our perception of things. Because of things we experienced, our own flaws, and our carnal/ logical thoughts we are blinded and cannot fully see the things of God, who is His and the NEW creation He has made us to be. It's just like we are blind and have our own view of things. Sight is hard to change. If you never saw the Nile river and had your view of it, then actually saw it, it would probably be different. Imagination is a dangerous place because we take things and fill it with notions or ideas. So we may be blind because of the way things have always been, the patterns and failures we have always had, the opinions of others, the junk we have been through, our preconceived ideas, but Faith asks us to See beyond.

By faith the blind men were made well. By faith we see God through the spirit and our eyes are opened to Who he really is and what He really has in store. without faith our sight is crippled, but with it, the "beyond" is able to be seen in truth. Our daily struggles are seen by eyes of truth. Faith has made us well. Faith helps us to believe when we can't see. bombarded by old ways of thinking, faith gives us the key to change the course of our thoughts, and have our thoughts become higher. For His ways are Higher than our ways and His thoughts are Higher than our thoughts... that's because God is the creator of every definition and His defining of things are sovereign and ultimately above everything we can imaging... Faith allows us to take part in His thoughts. Enough with our way of thinking, and more of His ways. No longer should blindness cripple, because He has given us Full sight, but Faith is the key, because without it.... ..we will forever and ever be limited. By Faith, By Faith, By faith.... that's what it takes.. that is how we see the truth of all things! I don't want to be like the Isreallites who wandered in the wilderness after Egypt because I fail to see. I don't want to run to Egypt because I am confined to my "blindness"! I want to walk in what is "beyond" and let my faith be on the Lord and not myself because He is everything I'm not! I can do nothing w/o faith.... it's my key to see! It let's me see the truth of God and His power! I'm not limited to me, but to everything He is, and who He is, has no limitations!

Beyond

The mind is a place where every wrong thought creates a prison
for the confinement of my soul and every longing
The walls and bars that bind
limit me, keep me, hold me
from the truth and full freedom
the lies, the past, the fleshly eyes,
produce these walls, they form these bars
Every time I think I actually escape
the rude awakening of the chain on my foot
holding me back and keeping me in
cause me to see, that I'm not really free
to have a heart of faith, to have eyes that see
the truth in you and not the failure of me
is what my heart longs for, but still I am incapable
Faith sees beyond this place of hell
but then the visual of reality sets in
This place has identified me and molded me
it has taught me to live and be
this person, caught in this place and mind
the thoughts lead me and control me
like a puppet on it's strings
the let me go and pick me up
to be determined and led by something bigger
something better something greater and higher
is the longing of my heart
to love with all that I have
rather than hate or question or judge
to accept rather than condemn
to embrace rather than flee
to commit instead of wander
would be satisfying to me
how I wish that day would come
where you define me
instead of these prison walls
how can I not settle when this is all I know?
teach me whats beyond this wall
around the corner
above the confinement
passed the past
outside of the walls
the key I see, in my reach
but to take it and turn it
requires courage and not this fear
outside of this place
is hope
is peace
is your ways
is faith
is love
is being
is life
is joy
is contentment
is satisfaction
is forgiveness
is acceptance
is grace
is all these things I search for yet cannot find
because with one taste, again this prison binds
to get past it
is my goal
is my goal
is my goal
but it's above all that I have, all that I know, and all that I am
unto you I surrender my ways, my bars, my prison
because I can't grab the keys on my on
once you fought for this and maybe again you will
show me a world that I have never known
paint a picture for the things unseen
because you know more than me
you see more than me
and your ways are higher than the ways of myself
help me to believe
help me to surrender
to have faith
and to believe in the things that I know not of.
I have to see beyond!